To Our Treasured Community,
In honor and celebration of Black History Month, The Mom Project is excited to celebrate #BlackMomMagic. I am humbled and honored to share my #BlackMomMagic journey.
A journey it was! I was 20 years old and went to the doctor because I thought I had a terrible case of the flu. The news I received was a shock and surprise. I was going to be a mother.
At the time, I was dating my now husband of 30 years, so it was scary enough that I was 20, single and pregnant. But there was another dynamic, my mother. My mother was abusive and had abandoned me. I hadn't spoken to her since she kicked me out of her house at the age of 13 and unfortunately, that relationship would never be reconciled. I now understand that my mother was bipolar and had never received the appropriate help and support. It's why, to truly experience #BlackMomMagic, we must understand and embrace the importance of our mental health. My mother missed the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with me and her grandchildren because of the stigma in the black community around mental health.
I was terrified that not having a role model mother would prevent me from being a good mother myself, but I was determined that no matter what, I would do better by my baby girl --this caused me to look at the people around me for help and support.
Do you know what I learned? While I may not have had the best mother, I, however, had a ton of moms in my predominately black community who provided the best examples of what being a mom looked like. From my grandmother, my aunts, my friend's moms, my collective community godmothers, my sisters-in-law, my mother-in-law, and my male and female friends. #BlackMomMagic is about tapping into your community for love and support. Moms come in many different packages, and we have built a community of support for all of the "versions" of mom. We see you and appreciate you.
Moms also take different paths. I had the privilege of having a partner who was and continues to be completely supportive. He gave me the option to be a stay-at-home mom. I tried and I failed. I realized that I was a better mom when I was working. At the time, that came with so much guilt and challenge around how I balanced the two. Still, for me, I couldn't be the mother and the role model I wanted to be without satisfying my need to contribute to our family and my community by having a career.
Eventually, I had three more children and we made what was a novel decision at the time, my husband would take the primary caretaker role. He gave up his career and became what we think of as "mom." At the time, we felt there was no choice. The price of childcare was punitive and there seemed to be only one way to build a career. Remote, flexible work, caring employers, the conversation around moms in the workplace was not commonplace.
Here's what I know for sure, while we all take different paths, you can't abdicate the joy and responsibility of being a mom. While my husband did the heavy lifting, I still had to make compromises to build a career and be good at my most important job, mom.
One of the reasons I came to work at The Mom Project is to be part of an organization that gives you options and choices for how you get to live your best #MomMagic and #BlackMomMagic. #BlackMomMagic is having the ability to choose your best path to being a mom.
Fast forward to today, my children Laila (31), Morgan (29), Nia (22), and Xavier (19) have been afforded a life that I could have never imagined because I had the opportunity to live my #BlackMomMagic and be a working mom. Because I had a partner and community that supported me, they have had access to finances, education, healthcare, housing, psychological safety, and love. They have access to a mom that sets the example of taking risks to live her best life so that they could live theirs. They are proud of their mother and the impact that I have had on our family and in some small way on the world.
To me, that is reason to celebrate all the moms who in the spirit of the journey have taken their best path, in the many forms of mom in which you come. That is how I define #BlackMomMagic.
— Rocki Howard | Chief People & Equity Officer | The Mom Project
